I Want You to Believe in Me
by Kir Sirin
Summary: A kiss from L sends Light into thinking it’s all just another game to get him to admit to being Kira. So he decides to play along. But what if L really finds himself falling? And what of Light? LightxL First fanfic. Complete.
1. Why

I told myself, if I ever wrote fan fiction, I would swear off Anime for the rest of my days.  
Good thing I'm such a good liar.

* * *

****

I Want You to Believe in Me

_Kir Sirin_

L was depressed.

To anyone else, it would simply look as if L was a bit too overworked and the explanation would fit all-too-well with the spidery detective.

But Light knew better.

He watched silently with chestnut brown eyes as L's black iris' looked past the computer screen as if it held nothing important enough to catch his gaze. His eyelids slowly drooped halfway past his unblinking orbs and the crouch in his back became even more pronounced.

As he heard L sigh, Light felt a pang in his chest that made him start to wonder of its reason.

_Maybe it's just because we have been chained together so long._ _Forever in each other's company…_

The excuse didn't satisfy him, but nonetheless, he decided he would help L get out of this depression he now found himself in.

"Ryuzaki…" Light got up and tugged a bit on the chain to get L's attention. "I'm going to the kitchen."

L merely nodded, got up, and kept his eyes to the floor as they walked into the headquarters' kitchen.

Light looked over his shoulder and at the sight of L's downcast form. He stifled a smile. The great detective looked so defeated.

But it _killed _Light to not know why.

So he lost his sudden elation and turned to the cabinets before him. He took out a box of chocolate cupcake mix and placed it on the counter. He sought another glance of L, to see if the man had seen what Light had taken out, but he hadn't.

L was too busy looking at his toes and chewing on his thumb nail lazily.

The sight quickly started to disgust Light. What was the matter with him? Did it have something to do with the Kira case?

_Of course. **Everything** has to do with the Kira Case._

Light quickly took out the cupcake pan, set it on the counter beside the mix it was destined to hold, turned on the oven, and started to mix the powdered substance with the desired amount of milk.

As Light stirred the concoction, he wouldn't, _couldn't_, take his eyes off of L. Even as he poured the gooey mix into the metal containers, he couldn't even blink.

L was so sad.

He had fashioned himself on a chair with his elbow pressed against his knee and his thumb over his lips; in his usual sitting position. The other hand was pulled out towards Light's; connected by singing metal. His toes curled and un-curled against the edge of the cushioned chair. His black hair fell like ink from his canvas-pale face and even the tips of them seemed to droop sadly. His eyelids dropped lower and it almost looked like L was sleeping.

Light was so wrapped up in staring at L he had almost forgotten about the cupcakes, and so he jumped a bit when the oven beeped.

When had he put the cupcakes in the oven?

Light found his memory a bit muffled.

He took a towel from the kitchen sink and gingerly took the hot metal from the oven. Chocolate quickly filled the air and Light was half-expecting L to pick up his head.

But he didn't.

Light wasn't surprised. He could never fully expect something from L.

He would just end up getting disappointed.

Instead he took a chocolate cupcake in his hand, walked towards the three greatest detectives, and simply said, "Ryuzaki."

Said detective didn't look up.

"Ryuzaki…" Light, against his swelling pride, got on his knees and looked under L's mass of black hair to see his shadowed face. "Look what I made for you." He didn't mean to, but the smile Light gave L was as real as the air they now breathed.

L slowly looked at Light and then to the chocolate cupcake. His voice had no emotion behind it, but the detective's eyes were enough to convince Light what he was truly feeling, "Thank you, Light-kun."

He was still sad.

He didn't take the gift Light held in his open hand, just simply asked, "Why would you make me this?"

"Do you really care for the answer, or are you just making idle chit-chat so I wont ask what's wrong with you?"

Light's breath came in sharp and quick when his eyes were met with L's.

"You are asking if I care?"

"Yes…" Light swallowed. Since when did L get so close?

"I should believe that the answer to your question would be clear to someone with your intelligence level."

__

Did he just insult me?

"Uh… So you don't want this then?" Light waved the cupcake through L's gaze. He sighed and gave a curt laugh when it brought no reaction. "I guess a Kira suspect can only make you feel uneasy and never really pleased." He moved to stand back up when L shot him a curious glance.

"You were trying to please me?"

"Well yeah… You looked depressed… So I thought that I would try to make you happy."

"Why?"

"Because I'm your friend." Light gave a cinematic smile after his statement.

L held Light's smile with an unchanging expression. He slowly, and softly, took Light's hand in his and brought the cupcake up to his pale lips, "Thank you, Light-kun."

As he took a soft bite from the top, Light could feel the blood rush to his cheeks.

L closed his eyes and savored the chocolate wash the bitter taste he had in his mouth away. The grip he had on Light's hand grew tighter and he pulled it closer to his mouth; wishing for that ugly taste to be eradicated forever.

Light swallowed hard and loud as L drew him closer. He placed his free hand on L's shoulder in a silent attempt at stopping him. He cleared his throat nervously and couldn't ignore the quickened pace his heart had taken.

What was happening?

L opened his black eyes and looked into Light's. The flustered face the boy had taken on surprised L.

Had something offended him?

L gently, almost shyly, grabbed the back of Light's neck to bring them so close that their foreheads touched. "Light-kun," His once gentle grip on Light's wrist now turned hard and strong. "forgive my actions."

L tugged Light's wrist behind his head and forced the teen's lips to connect with his own. The kiss was presented hard but L silently moved back and reversed the feel to a more softer tone.

He pressed his lips softly against Light's. It was a quiet, shy kiss that whispered of a secret Light knew he shouldn't know of. He found himself wishing to press his lips into the detective's.

Should he give in to his temptation?

Light's eyes were already closed and he could feel L's cool breath mingle with his own. His hand let go of the semi-eaten cupcake to intertwine his fingers with L's. He gripped L's hand hard and squeezed.

L moved his other hand from the back of Light's neck and traveled up through his brown hair. It was soft and silky, much how L had imagined it would be.

__

Imagined…

Had L truly imagined himself doing this before?

With Light kneeling there, before L, and the feel of his hand in his own, and his lips just beginning to press against his, L's mind could make out the simple conclusion.

__

Yes.

L's sudden realization had been the cause of his dramatic depression earlier for he had thought that Light could never want something like this from him. There was nothing special in the detective that Light would want to hold as his own.

So what was the reason for Light pressing harder against L in a desperate attempt to get closer to him?

__

Desperate…

Attempt...

To get closer…

To **him**.

Of course. L wanted to shut his eyes tighter and to forget what his mind had just deducted, but found that he could not.

__

Light-kun only wants to get closer to me to retrieve my name… For Light-kun is Kira.

L could feel Light use his free hand to wrap around his shoulders and press him closer to his chest. The other was still wrapped in L's own and he could feel the soft sensation of Light's thumb rubbing across the back of L's pale hand.

The boy's skin was so soft that L never wanted to be parted from it, but he knew he had to. He was kissing a mass-murderer that only thought of the detective's death.

Even now.

L pressed harder against Light's soft lips one last time before shoving him off roughly and standing up.

Light's brown eyes widened in surprise and he stopped his fall with the back of his hands hitting the floor first.

"Please refrain from coming in such close contact with me again, Light-kun." He said simply and walked out of the kitchen; ultimately dragging Light to his feet and after him.

As they sat back down to their seats in front of separate computers, Matsuda asked, "What happened to you guys?"

"Nothing, Matsuda-san." L retorted. "Light-kun simply wished to make me cupcakes."

"Really?" Matsuda's face lit up. "Where are they?"

"In the kitchen."

"Cool!" He got up out of his seat and made a dash to the selected area.

Light touched his lips gently with his fingertips, not even bothering to look at his computer, and his mind thought of possible reasons of L's actions.

__

L would never do something like this… No matter his state of mind. It was too quick, too spontaneous… He didn't think it through… L thinks everything through… Then he pushed me off… Like **I** _was the person that kissed _**him**_… He couldn't possibly hold those feelings for me. Why would he? I'm a suspect and nothing else, unless…_

_This is all a game?_

_Which means he just kissed me to see how I'd react... And I fell for it. But what for?_

_To get close enough to me to get me to admit to being Kira._

As the cupcakes Light had made especially for L were eaten without a second thought by Matsuda, L and Light were both deep in thought.

__

Fine L…

Very well, Kira…

If you wish to play this game with me, then I will defeat you.


	2. Dont

**I Want You to Believe in Me**

_Kir Sirin_

"I don't know what you want." The raven haired man said in his usual monotone voice.

"Heh." Brown eyes sparkled with a perfect smile. "I should think it's obvious. I want you." The brunette pulled the other man into their arms and began to kiss--

"Misa, do we have to watch this?" Light asked with a sigh. "It's so cliché."

"It's the closest thing to a movie we can get, Light-kun." Misa made a pouty face towards her boyfriend. "Ryuzaki-kun wont let us go outside for a _real_ date." She secretly glared at the detective, then looked back to the romance movie.

Light looked at L as well.

The detective had his knees to his chin and was watching diligently with his thumb to his lips. He tilted his head when the main boy character-a raven-haired poster boy-said,

"How could you let yourself fall in-love with someone like me?"

Light smiled at the innocent curiosity thrown across L's face. Who could have known it was all a façade?

"See something interesting, Ryuzaki?" Light asked.

Without turning, or even acknowledging that the teen had even spoken, L said, "No. It's just… What I've seen of love, it is not something you can choose to be in. Once it happens, it happens. There is no turning back, or no reversing it."

"Heh. Ryuzaki, you can know everything in the world, but you'll never know the answer to love until you leave everything, let go, and give it a shot." Light tried to ignore the love-struck gaze Misa was giving him and continued. "And besides, what do you mean 'what I've seen of love'? Have you fallen in-love with someone, Ryuzaki?"

L finally turned his gaze to Light, let his thumb fall, opened his mouth and,

"Ryuzaki-kun could never fall in-love with someone!" Misa nearly shouted. "He's too creepy! No one would want to return his feelings!"

Light shot Misa a poisonous glare that sealed her mouth shut and made her face grow pale. He turned back to L to see that the detective was facing the movie screen again, but not really watching it anymore.

"Amanae-san is right." the three greatest detectives muttered. "No one would want to return my feelings." His eyes flickered to the floor then right back to the flashing screen; as if he was speaking about someone, or something, else.

Light had the sudden urge to slap Misa across the face with his Death Note and to allow L to write her name in it; in that slow and precise way that was only L.

Instead, he turned to Misa and said, "Ryuzaki and I have to get back to work now, Misa. You understand, right?" That last stament was not really a question, but the gothic model wouldn't really notice anyway.

"U-Uh… But Light-kun!" Misa's eyes started to plead. "The movie hasn't ended yet and I brought a bunch of them! We have to watch them all!"

"When Kira is brought to justice we can watch all the movies you want." He cringed at the thought and ran a reluctant thumb down her cheek.

Misa blushed and nodded. "Yes, Light-kun…" She hastily turned the TV off, took the DVD out, put it in it's rightful case, and gave Light a kiss on the cheek.

"Bye, Light-kun."

"Yeah." He waved her off as she left Headquarters. He quickly turned to L before they started to move out of the room.

"L--err--Ryuzaki…" Light swallowed as the detective gazed through him with his black coals. "Um… What Misa said… I'm--"

Only L could make him stutter and it irritated Light to no end.

"No need to apologize, Light-kun." L turned his back to Light and started to walk towards the door. "Your girlfriend has the right to voice her opinions. The only difference in them now is that they are correct for once." He put his hand on the doorknob, but froze when he felt Light place a hand on his shoulder and felt his mouth by his ear.

"She's not my girlfriend. I've told you before that the relationship is completely unrequited, and… **I** don't think she's right."

"What do you mean by that, Light-kun?" L found that the sensation of Light's breath falling on his skin caused him to whisper.

"What I mean is that there are certain qualities in everyone that people are attracted to… Not just sexually either."

"But I posses none of these qualities. I am aware of such facts, Light-kun. You need not to try and make me feel better. I have come to terms with the fact I am unwanted by everyone a long time ago."

Light's heart clenched and the hold he had on L's shoulder tightened as he leaned forward. "That's not true. I must admit that…" Light's breath hitched for a second. "Even I find beautiful qualities in you. You are an amazing person, L. Not just because--"

Light was cut off by L turning suddenly in his arms. Their noses brushed and eyes locked.

"_L_?" The detective questioned; his eyes narrowed and suspicious. "Why did you call me 'L'? Are you trying to achieve something by calling me by my professional name?"

"What? N-No…" Light blushed at the feeling of L's frame being so close to his. "It just slipped out… Ryuzaki…" He placed his hand back on L's shoulder. "Can we continue this conversation somewhere different? As in a café or someplace? I…"

"You don't feel comfortable with cameras watching your every move." L stated fatly. "Either you are going to confess something to me, or this is another ploy to kill me. Most likely it is both."

"No matter what you think, will you still let me?" Light requested.

"I suppose."

--

The waitress left as the two men took their seats at a booth in the corner. She took one last look at the handcuffs and walked away with a curious look across her features.

Light was still getting used to that.

The duo sat across from eachother.

"Are you hungry?" Light smiled.

"Not at the moment."

"Okay… I'll just get us something to drink then." He called the waitress back over and ordered, "One ice tea and--"

"And nothing else, thank you." L cut in. The waitress nodded and walked away.

"You don't want anything?" Light inquired.

"Not at the moment."

Light sighed. "You keep saying the same phrase over-and-over again. You're being suspicious of my actions, aren't you?"

"You have yet to make your reasons clear for taking me here." L replied.

"I just… Feel like I need to assure you that Misa _is_ wrong. You're not unwanted."

"Do you feel as if you know of someone who might possibly want someone like me?"

"I… Well… Maybe."

"Maybe?" L placed a thumb to his lips. "Light-kun--"

"Ryuzaki, are you in-love with someone?" Light blushed unexpectedly and looked at his hands. "It's just… Earlier… You sounded like you.. Well… Experienced it. And I'm just wondering if you're in-love. Love isn't something you can just deduce from watching movies or reading about it. You have to experience it."

L didn't blink when Light caught his gaze again. "I--"

"Here you are, sir." The waitress from earlier gave Light his ice tea, smiled, and walked back away.

Light cursed the girl in his head and quickly thought of a new plan. He stirred the spoon in his drink and said, "Do you really find nothing special about you, Ryuzaki?"

"There is nothing, Light-kun."

"Really?"

"I have just stated so."

Light got up and sat next to the raven-haired insomniac. "Look." He took L's hands in his and was surprised at how soft they were. "Do you see your hands?"

"Everyday, Light-kun."

"Don't be sarcastic. Really, look." He held them a little tighter. "These hands move quickly past a keyboard, never making a mistake. They are soft and gentle. They protect the innocent and make sure that the nightmares of society are locked away tightly. To me, these hands are beautiful."

"To… You?" L couldn't bring himself to look at Light, only at his hands holding the detective's own.

"Yes." He let his hands glide up L's arm. "Your skin is so soft and white. Almost like an empty canvas waiting for someone to splash a beautiful picture on it. It radiates in the sunlight and produces such a warmth that makes a cold-hearted person want to cry. Your skin, helps me to know what true warmth feels like."

His hands trailed up to cup the inspector's face. "Your eyes. One look can send the most stable person into insanity. They hold no end. They never miss a detail; not even the smallest one. They've seen all the evils of the world and still have the determination to abolish it from other people's lives. At times, they even sparkle. When you get close to catching Kira, your eyes drink all the light in the world. It's a wonderful sight to see. It's as if you are seeing a sunrise for the very first time. You know you will never experience such beauty until the beginning of a new day. These eyes will never rest until all the evil in the world is gone. Your eyes, to me, hold the world."

His brown eyes fell to L's mouth as his thumb caressed the top lip. "Your mouth.. You ingest sweets everyday in order to take a bitter taste out of your mouth. You've seen too many horrible things, too many betrayals, and unforgivable actions. It leaves you with a bad taste that you use sweets to cover it up. Justice flows from this mouth. You voice… Whenever you say my name… I feel as if…"

Was this the truth?

Light fought inside himself to find the answer.

Yes… It was.

Light meant every word of this.

He truly did think L was beautiful… But…

What did that mean?

"What do you feel, Light-kun?" L asked softly. His black eyes gazed at Light as the teen continued to gaze at the detective's lips. "Tell me." He whispered.

"I… I feel…" Light's eyelashes kissed his warm cheeks as he closed his eyes and leaned forward. "I feel as if I'm--"

The sound of L's phone ringing in the pocket of his jeans caused Light's thoughts too shatter and for realization to finally kick in.

He leaned away from L as he answered his damn phone.

"Yes? Ah, Watari… No, I'm with him… The security tapes? Yes, he did… We're at a café near Headquarters… He hasn't… Okay… Yes, Watari, thank you." L hung up the phone, turned to the brunette, and said, "Watari called."

"What did he want?"

"He wished to know of my location."

"He doesn't trust me either?" Light faked a hurt tone. He could care less if an old man trusted him. All he needed, all he _wanted_, was for this idiot detective to believe in him.

"No. He does not. Let's go, Light-kun."

The two got out of the booth and walked out. Light left a few dollars for the waitress and his tea.

As they were heading back, Light noted how much L was gazing at his hands.

Light smiled deviously.


	3. You

Wow... Lot's of favorites and alerts... Thanks.

To all of you that hate the fact that you cant decide whether or not Light is acting...  
You'll hate this chapter.  
Haha.

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**I Want You to Believe in Me  
**_Kir Sirin_

"Do you like Amanae-san's style of clothing?" L asked randomly.

"Not really." Light replied in flat monotone. He rested his cheek on his palm as his eyes scanned the information in the e-mail he had just received. "It just screams for attention."

He stiffened.

Ever since that moment in the café, it seemed that Light couldn't lie to the idiot detective beside him.

And L seemed to take notice.

"What do you usually feel when she takes you out?"

"Nothing. At times I feel like tearing my ears out when she doesn't keep quiet for more than ten seconds… Or when she continues to say 'Light-kun' in that high pitched--" Light cursed himself mentally.

He had to turn the tables soon before L asks, 'Are you Kira?'.

"Ryuzaki… Why are you asking me these things?" Light closed his eyes and tried to regain his composure.

"You haven't finished your previous sentence, Light-kun." The detective pointed out. "You should finish your previous conversation before you begin interrogating me."

"Uh…" Light took a deep breath and turned fully towards L. The detective, surprisingly, was already staring suspiciously at Light.

"Ryuzaki?" The teen questioned. "What are--" But his words were cut off by the unexpected blush that painted his entire body.

L, the three greatest detectives, Ryuzaki, Ryuga Hideki, Kira's main enemy, was now only three inches away from Light's face.

His soft hands were delicately holding Light's face at either end, his chair had been wheeled in front of the teen's, and the intoxicating smell of sweets invaded Light's mind; fogging his other senses.

L narrowed his black irises at Light's flustered face. "This facial expression is not used when around Amanae-san?"

"Uh… W-Well… No. Usually I'm the one who--"

"You are the person in the relationship that causes the other to produce this reaction?"

"I guess…"

"You speak romantically, do you not, Light-kun?" L's breath brushed past Light's lips like a painter paints his masterpiece.

"Yeah… Girls… Well, like it when--"

"But only because they wish for it. Meaning you do not mean any of it." The detective's voice had grown hard and tight.

It finally clicked.

The random questions.

The unusual stares L had been giving Light.

This _closeness_.

L was unsure whether or not Light's words had been true or not. Which meant that he, Light Yagami, had outsmarted L for the time being.

Which _also_ meant that L was actually moved enough by Light's silly words the other day that he was thinking about them constantly.

Light wished, almost desperately, that he could laugh in Ryuzaki's face.

_What a fool_. He thought bitterly.

Light's dark mind hatched a quick plan.

"L…" Light reached for L's soft face.

But L moved back instinctively. "Please refrain from using that alias."

"Why?" Light asked innocently.

"Because it is the closest thing to what you really want." L's hands fell from Light's face slowly; almost painfully.

"L… _Ryuzaki_…" Light picked up the detective's hands and placed them back to their original positions; leaving his hands there as well. "Are you trying to figure out whether or not I was being truthful to you the other day in the café?" He stroked the back of L's hands slowly. "I meant it. I swear I did. I… I know you don't believe me about anything because of my status in your life, but… I assure you… I meant every word of it."

That nasty thought crept back into Light's head.

_Was this the truth?_

But he had no time to answer that annoyance now.

"Light-kun's status in my life?" L repeated.

"Well… Yes…" Light swallowed loudly. "You'll never see me as anything but a Kira suspect…" He lowered his brown eyes. "Although I wish…"

"Wish for what, Light-kun?"

Light looked hastily back into L's calculating eyes. He stammered and blushed again. "N-Nothing! I… I was just saying… Um…" He sighed. "Ryuzaki…" He pressed the detective's hand harder into his cheek and leaned into it. "Your hands are so cold."

"That hardly seems relevant--" But L stopped to observe the sight before him.

Light's face was cast in a serene light with his thick eyelashes pressed softly against the slight pink of his cheeks. His brown hair fell away from his face in feathery whispers. His mouth was slightly open and his soft breath could faintly be heard.

His hands were still stroking L's.

_This is… _L thought.

"I really did mean it, Ryuzaki." Light whispered; still pressing against L's cool hand.

_This is only a…_

"God, how I wish you would say something to me." Light's brows furrowed in a remorseful expression.

_This is only a game brought about to reveal my true name. _L tried his hardest to focus on his thoughts, which was always an easy task before, and not on the teen before him.

Holding him…

Whispering to him…

_But why does Light-kun act this way? Kira would never sacrifice his pride and wouldn't want to ever touch L. He hates L… Wishes to kill L…_

_Wishes to kill __**me**__._

"Ryuzaki, please…" Light begged, never opening his eyes. "I just want to hear your voice."

_This feeling to monopolize… Is this what they call…_

The hold Light had on L's hands tightened. "L…"

_Is this…_

L turned his hands in Light's grip and intertwined their fingers.

"Light-kun…"

Brown eyes snapped open and a worried expression etched itself across Light's face. "R-Ryuzaki, I mean… I'm sorry. It slipped out again--"

_Is this…_

"Light-kun," L nearly smiled at the blushed face before him as he leaned in closer. He was sure his black eyes showed it. "don't look so scared."

"But you told me not to--"

L pressed his lips against Light's and inhaled deeply.

He shut his eyes tightly and squeezed Light's hands in his. He pressed harder against the lips underneath his and the feeling in his chest increased.

_Is this love?_

Light broke their hands apart and ran them through L's soft, thick, black hair. He gently roamed the unruly mass dexterously.

L felt Light press a soft tongue past his own lips.

_Whether this is love or not… I must make sure I do not lose myself in this game… It will be Kira's downfall that will result, not mine. _

L cautiously opened his mouth and was assaulted by Light's unique taste of apple peels.

Light could feel L use his tongue to search every crevice of Light's mouth. He explored every corner and open space that was to be found; as if finding an unexplored region for the first time. L's taste of sweets was not surprising. The fact that it was underlined with the sweet hint of fresh strawberries that got Light's head spinning was the thing that surprised him.

Light's stomach churned and twisted as their tongues intermixed with the other's.

_Had Light spoken the truth?_

That thought refused to go away, but, at the moment, all Light wanted to know was how-in-the-hell could he get more of the detective in his arms.

When they broke the kiss, L saw Light smile.

But not for the reason you'd think.

_I've got you, L._


	4. Believe

I love Ryuk.

For some reason, whenever I see his 'kukuku' I immediately smile. It's just like that feeling you get when you know you shouldn't be eating something but you can't stop because it's _sooo_ good!

Anyways, I received a PM saying that I keep both L and Light in character very well. Therefore, which one do I consider to be the closest to myself?

I'd have to say Light.

Because, after a billion quizzes, being able to know what Light was going to do in the _Death Note_ manga before I turned the page, having his same opinions about certain subjects, and people thinking I'm the real thing while cosplaying him… Who else _could_ I be?

I love L as well, but I hold Light higher on my poll.

Shit, don't delete me from your author alerts/favorites because of that statement.

And also, this is not a request to boost my ego up ten points; I simply want to know what I could do better or include more of.

So please, review.

* * *

**I Want You to Believe in Me  
**_Kir Sirin_

"Kukuku," Ryuk snickered as Light entered his bedroom behind L. "Nice show there. For a second, I thought you actually meant it." The gothic shinigami floated beside Light with his back hunched over; his unnerving smile beside the teen's ear. "Or _did_ you?"

Light turned softly to face the shinigami with one, deadly, dark brown eye filled with malice intent.

"Oh!" Ryuk pulled his back straight, and his one metal earring jingled. "Why the face, Light? Has your own mind been unable to answer that question? Kukuku." The shinigami turned his back to the teen and the detective he was attached to as they got ready for bed, and flew through the walls, but not without leaving his dark voice singing through the room.

"Be careful Light. When humans wear a mask for too long, they begin to fall for it themselves."

Light rolled his eyes mentally as he lay underneath the vanilla comforter.

_Stupid shinigami, _he thought. _Something like that could never happen to me. My entire life I've lived behind_ _masks and lies. This one will be no different_.

He looked at L.

The detective placed his laptop on the nightstand beside him and turned to Light. "Light-kun, on the table by your bedside, approximately fourteen inches from where your arm now rests, is a file that I need. Could you retrieve it for me?"

"Yeah, sure." Light reached a hand out to the nightstand beside him, only to find it empty. He let out a sigh. "Ryuzaki," He said while turning back, "the table is—"

His words were cut off when his face almost collided with L's.

The detective was so close. His black eyes saw through, almost into, Light's core. "Why do you do it?" He whispered.

"W-Why do I do wh—"But Light couldn't finish his sentence.

He blushed.

The side of L's face was cast in dark moonlight, making him seem younger and less like the justice-hungry figure he now was. Light had the thought that L might have been quite beautiful at one time, but gave it up in search of justice. His dark circles faded into his, now milky-looking, skin. It glowed from within and ensnared Light's gaze.

The detective's dark mass of hair floated like black miasma around his face; just _wishing_ for someone to get their hand lost within it.

L's dark eyes held pools of light within them and Light saw the world behind those entrancing eyes.

"L…" Light whispered, "You're so beautiful…" He leaned in just a fraction of an inch and pressed his lips softly against the detective's.

L observed Light's actions with his wide, black eyes. He noticed how Light's brows furrowed when L didn't react. He looked almost heartbroken…

And that thought caused L to close his eyes and press into the brunette.

Light's heart filled with sudden elation as he felt L accept his kiss. His heart had unknowingly placed all of Light's hopes into that kiss.

If L had rejected it…

Light didn't know where the tears came from, but he decided such trivial matters didn't mean much.

But the detective he was kissing noticed.

"Why is Light-kun crying?" L asked. He placed a single finger on top of one of Light's tears and followed it down his cheek.

"I…" Light pulled back a bit and touched his moist cheek. "I don't know…" He looked at L and, for a moment, L thought he saw fear behind the teen's brown eyes.

"M-Maybe… We should just go to sleep…" Light's eyes stared at the sheets pooled in his lap like a zombie.

"If that is what Light-kun wishes." L agreed with a thumb to his lips.

But Light's focus was too deep in the sheets he was staring at to be able to hear L's words.

_What…?_

--

L held Light in his lap and gently stroked the side of his warm face.

L almost smiled when he thought of the face Light would make if he woke up and saw his position.

The detective realized that this was the second time in the same day he wanted to smile.

"Is this your fault, Light-kun?" L whispered as his gaze continued to drink in Light's moonlit face.

_L… You're so beautiful._

The detective's heart clenched. He felt uncomfortable with people using his professional name so often.

But… When Light said it… It made L want to hear it over-and-over again.

This thought caused L's mind to re-focus.

_If Light-kun is playing with me to get my name, then he is doing a good job. The tears were an unexpected action. Can someone be able to act so thoroughly? _

This brought another thought to L's mind.

_Am I just acting as well? If so, then why is this boy in my lap? There would be no reason to act when no one is watching… I can not deny the feeling that crawls into my heart whenever I see Light-kun, but I am unable to determine if he is acting as well. Would I be heartbroken if he was? _

L stopped stroking Light's face and felt a chill run down his crooked spine when Light let out a cool sigh.

_I would be._

_If I stop this pretending, there is a 40 percent chance that Light-kun will stop as well… If I don't stop it will most likely prove to be more complicated in the end. _

_But what would Light-kun ever see in me?_

_I can not think of a single quality he would be attracted to. Someone as beautiful as him… Could never fall in love with someone like me. Therefore he must only be acting. _

_But…__ Can Kira see beauty? He is a mass-murderer… He kills only for himself. Someone's body drenched in blood is beauty to him, but nothing else… Kira, who despises L, could never bring himself to kiss L… To call L things such as 'beautiful'…_

"Light-kun…" L stated firmly. "There is only one solution."

The handcuffs _clinked_ and fell to the floor in a heavy heap of singing metal.


	5. In

**I Want You to Believe in Me**

_Kir Sirin_

"What are you saying?" Light asked incredulously.

"Light-kun," L didn't blink as he stared into Light's deceiving brown eyes, "I said you are free to go. Please, go home. You may continue to help with the investigation if you wish, but you shall no longer be handcuffed to me."

Light allowed himself to smile. "Thank you, Ryuzaki." He gave a short nod and left Headquarters.

L turned his head slightly and watched the teen leave.

_Now we shall see where your heart truly lays, Kira!_

* * *

"Light," Ryuk flew over the shoulder of Kira. "if you can go home, why don't you?"

Light smiled. "Haha, because I know L has a camera waiting for me somewhere in there. Do you really think he'd let me go free? No, L will never let me go." Light made a fist. "And Kira will never let go of L either until he is dead."

"What about Light?" Ryuk smiled widely. "Will Light let L go?"

Light glared at the shinigami. "What are you implying?"

"Kukuku." The Death God covered his mouth as his laughter increased. "Kukuku!"

"Ryuk?"

Ryuk shook his head and lowered his hands. "Humans are very interesting! You fail to see what a shinigami can see perfectly! Kukuku."

That laugh was starting to annoy Light. His glare deepened. "Ryuk," He ordered, "go and search my house. I'll be back with an apple for you."

"Oh!" Ryuk quickly flew off chanting; "Apple, apple, apple..."

Light looked back at his hand.

_Something a shinigami can see perfectly?_

* * *

Light walked into his room with Ryuk already inside.

The Death God shook his head.

_What?_ Light looked taken aback. _No cameras? _Light glared at the shinigami. _He must have made a mistake!_

But Light knew that Ryuk would never disappoint him if apples were at stake.

So… There really _weren't _any cameras?

Light gave a soft laugh.

He had won!

"I'm finally free." He muttered. "Free!" Light threw himself on his bed and smiled.

_L trusts me! He trusts me… Heh, what a fool._

* * *

L hunched over the laptop in his bedroom and watched a teenaged brunette lace his fingers behind his head and sigh happily.

"Light-kun…" L placed a thumb to his lips. "Are you truly so happy without my presence?"

He had placed a traffic camera nearby his house and was allowed to peer inside Light's room. He couldn't hear anything, but that was a small price to pay.

Whenever he looked at Light, he made sure he was in his room; the only room in Headquarters with no cameras. He didn't want the others to know what he was doing.

He didn't want them to watch Light alongside him.

L wanted the teen's surveillance to be his alone.


	6. Me?

**

* * *

**

I Want You to Believe in Me

_Kir Sirin_

Over the last few days, L could only watch as Light brought more and more different girls over to his house. The detective would zoom in and read the things Light would say off his lips.

"_You're beautiful."_

"_I find myself falling for you everyday."_

"_I never want this to end."_

"_Stay with me."_

It made L's stomach twist in unusual ways. He wouldn't turn away when Light would take off their clothes and take the girls he had brought home.

He couldn't.

L was the only male that he had seen Light with, but did that make such a difference?

_Perhaps Light-kun only used me for an experience…_ L reasoned. _When he said those things to me… He didn't mean any of it. _

But L couldn't see with his traffic camera the face Light was starting make around the people he brought home.

He couldn't see the emptiness in his brown eyes.

* * *

Light smiled and cupped the blonde's face, "I only want this if you do."

She nodded.

Light felt suddenly disgusted with himself.

He slowly reached his hands up the pink shirt the girl had on.

Why did he feel so hollow?

* * *

L could feel his heart sink when Light started his advance on this new girl.

Was this all Light wanted from them?

* * *

Light placed his lips on the blonde when a familiar face intruded.

A man with thick, black hair, insomniac eyes, beautiful pale skin, and a finger in his smiling mouth.

_Ryuzaki…_

_L._

Light's heart clenched_._

Why was he thinking about the detective?

* * *

L couldn't believe what he was seeing.

He leaned into his computer screen as Light whispered,

"Get out."

The girl looked shocked. "Wha-What?"

"I said get out."

"B-But Light-kun—"

_Light-kun..._

"**Don't** call me that. Just get out."

L smiled when he saw the girl leave. It felt like he had won somehow.

His smile faded when he saw Light hold his head in his hands.

* * *

_What was that? _Light fisted his brown hair. _Why am I constantly thinking about L?_

"L…" He whispered.

_Do I miss him?_

"No…"

_I love him._

"I-I cant…"

_But I do._

"No… How can I? I was only pretending!"

_But whenever I'm around other people I feel so hollow… Whenever I say another lie about someone… My thoughts turn to L… Whenever I see them smile at me…_

"I wish it was L smiling at me."

Light buried his head deeper in his hands.

He needed to see L. This game had finally ended.

_Something a shinigami can see perfectly._

* * *

L couldn't see Light's lips, his back was to the camera, but when he saw the teen get up and run out of his room.

He had a feeling he knew where Light was going to go.

L shut his laptop and closed his black eyes.

_Do I really wish to see him?_


	7. Cant

Sorry about the short chapters. I just wanted to hurry and get to this chapter. I hate writing about L and Light when they're not around each other.

And, heh, people kept asking if it was the end? I guess because of the chapter titles but... No. That would be a very wierd ending. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Oh! And, if anyone can guess what the rest of the chapters will say (for example, they say 'Why dont you believe in me?' now), then I will write them a special LxLight one-shot just for them! You can pick the plot too if you wish. Leave your answer in a review. The deadline is the end of the story.

Let the game begin.

* * *

**I Want You to Believe in Me**

_Kir Sirin_

"Light!" Mr. Yagami exclaimed as he saw his son burst through the door. "You're back! But... It's only been a few days."

It felt like a lot longer to Light.

"Where's Ryuzaki?" Light tried to calm his racing heart. "I need to speak with—"

"Light-kun."

Light looked up ahead to see the beautiful detective hunched over and staring blankly at him.

Light's face lit up as he gave a sincere smile.

"Ryuzaki…" He tried to walk, contain his elation, but his face gave it all away.

L's heart broke.

_Light-kun is already acting…_

"Light-kun, let's talk." L led the teen into their old room and quietly shut the door. He followed behind Light as he sat on the bed.

"L… I… I needed to see you." Light said softly.

L swiftly straddled the unsuspecting teen on the bed and glared into his face, "Was this nothing more than a game to you?"

"What?"

He clamped his hands around the teen's wrists. "Do other people's feelings not matter to you? Tell me the truth. Was this all just a game to you?"

"Wasn't it a game for you?" Light asked coldly.

L was taken aback by the anger in Light's eyes.

The detective closed his eyes and sighed. "We are both fools."

Light fell on the defensive and yelled, "Well, if you didn't have to be so damn secretive about everything then maybe I wouldn't think this way!"

"What do you mean, Light-kun?"

"I love you, dammit!" Light leaned forward, against L's tight grip on his wrists, and pressed his lips against the detective's.

For a second, L allowed himself to relish in the soft feel of the teen's pink lips.

Then he shoved Light off of him. "Light-kun should learn when the act ends." L stood up and turned his back on the brunette. "I will no longer be your audience."

But Light wasn't about to let the detective get away.

He stood up and caught L's wrist. "L—"

"Stop it, Light-kun."

"No." Light twisted L around and slammed his back against the door he was about to open. "I won't."

The black-haired detective stared determinedly into Light's eyes.

"L… I-I know now… Before I was only lying to myself… But now I know."

"Know what, Light-kun? That you are truly Kira? That you are really a heartless, cold, evil, manipulating mass-murderer?"

Light could feel his heart break at the emotionless tone L used. He slowly caressed the detective's cheek, "I know that my heart truly does want you."

L blushed slightly, but only because he had slammed the lid on his emotions tightly.

His heart _raced_.

"Ryuzaki… I can't be around anyone else… They all leave me feeling empty… Whenever I say something to them, I feel used and disgusted. You're the only person that I feel right with."

"Light-kun…" L whispered.

"L, I know you think I'm only deceiving you, but I'm not. Please, believe me." Light leaned in closer and whispered against L's lips, "I love you."

"I…" L held in his breath when he felt Light's lips re-connect with his.

Ryuzaki allowed Light to take him in his arms. The detective ran his hands through Light's soft hair. He pressed harder into the kiss and received a soft moan that was barely audible from Light.

L wanted to hear that sound again.

He pressed harder and Light's hold on him tightened.

Light couldn't stop himself as his tongue flicked over L's mouth.

He wanted this.

He _needed_ this.

L made Light feel complete, whole…

He made Light feel like he was human.

Light needed him desperately.

"Light-kun…" L breathed against the kiss.

Light gave him another kiss.

"Do you truly need this much attention?"

_What?_

Light broke off the kiss and stared into L's wide, black orbs.

"Light-kun, you are pathetic." He pushed his way out of Light's embrace and opened the door. "Even you should know when enough is enough."

L closed the door, leaving Light alone in an empty room.

The tables have turned.

"Kukuku."


	8. U

Since L never gives in to anything, haven't you ever wondered how the detective drives?

Haha, and I'd like to congratulate **Kagomes-wanna-be**.

For she guessed first. Thank you though to everyone who guessed correctly.

I had made the chapters obvious and I was worried no one would guess it. Heh. Oh, and sorry for the 'U' title. FF wouldnt let me have a second 'You' as a chapter title.

* * *

**I Want You to Believe in Me**

_Kir Sirin_

Light couldn't stand the grumbling noise of L's stomach any longer.

The teen had taken it upon himself to stay by L's side no matter what. He was going to prove to the detective that he truly _did_ love him.

Even if every second of it was breaking his heart.

"L, why don't you get something to eat?" Light asked.

"I have asked you repeatedly not to use that alias."

"Ah…" Light nodded. "Sorry, Ryuzaki, but why don't you get some food to eat?"

"We have run out of sweets. Yesterday I was supposed to tell Watari to buy me more, but…"

_But yesterday you came back._

"I simply forgot."

"Oh…" Light turned his computer chair around to face L. The detective was staring into his computer screen as if it held the secrets to the world inside it.

His black hair floated softly behind him in messy spikes…

Light's hands _ached_ to touch it.

"Why don't we go get some?"

L looked at Light.

The brunette smiled.

"I can simply ask Watari—"

"Give him a break. How many hours in a day do you bother him with errands and favors?"

L remained silent as he stared into the brown eyes before him; trying to decipher whether or not this boy had something planned. "Very well, Light-kun, if you wish to get me some—"

Light let out a sigh, "No, _us_. We should go _together_. I don't know what you like."

L seemed to be thinking about his decision.

Light relished in the contemplative look L's black eyes always carried.

"Very well." L stated.

Light could feel his heart leap.

* * *

As the two of them slid into the black Mercedes, Light looked at L getting into the drivers seat.

"I didn't know you knew how to drive, Ryuzaki." He voiced.

"I took a few classes online." L stated simply.

To Light's surprise, L actually sat straight. He slowly lowered his bare toes onto the pedals below and turned the car on. He gripped the wheel with both index fingers and his thumbs.

Light swallowed as he felt a nervous feeling crawl around his heart.

"O-Online classes…?"

"That is correct, Light-kun." L pressed firmly on the gas pedal and they sped out of the car garage.

"Why couldn't we just have walked?"

"Because the candy store I prefer is too far to walk to."

L made a sharp left and continued to speed.

"R-Ryuzaki… You're breaking the speed limit. That's the law, you know."

"I never give in to anything, Light-kun."

"Um…" Light felt his stomach fall as he saw the street light up ahead turn a bright yellow.

"Ryuzaki… You should be slowing down."

"I will not give in to a simple street light."

"B-But…" Light clawed onto the seat handle as the light turned into an ominous red. "L! Slow down!"

"We are almost there, Light-kun, please do not worry." L turned to face the nervous teen and smiled. "I shall not let anything happen to you."

Light froze.

L had just smiled…

The youth didn't even notice as they ran the red light and continued to stare at the side of Ryuzaki's face.

"L…" Light breathed. "You just… Smiled."

But, if L had heard Light, he didn't respond as he got out of the car.

Of course he had heard him.

_I smiled?_

L locked the door and the two went inside.

The candy store was called _Sugar Sugar_. Light could only smile at the reaction L could have given when he first saw the store.

As Light walked in, he was assaulted by the aroma of sugar and cream floating in the air. The lighting produced a soft feeling in Light's stomach. The walls were painted a milkshake yellow and had images of cupcakes and lollipops acting as borders. He looked around and saw many glass cases containing different sweets for L to enjoy.

Said detective immediately went for the glass in front of the register where they held all their cupcakes for display.

Light smiled as L's spidery fingers gently touched the glass before him.

"How many do you want?" The teen asked politely.

L reached into his back pocket and noticeably stiffened. "Watari holds onto the money I receive…" He said under his breath.

"Do you want me to buy them?"

"I cannot ask that of you, Light-kun."

But Light could detect the tightness in L's voice. He _wanted_ those cupcakes.

And Light only wanted to make L happy.

"Nonsense." Light smiled as L turned to look at him. The detective looked so torn between leaving and letting Light buy them.

"Why would you… Do such a thing for me?"

Light chuckled, "I would think it was obvious."

L placed his thumb back to his pale lips and looked at his bare feet. His black hair curtained his hot face.

"Miss?" Light called. The cashier blushed and nodded in acknowledgment. Light looked at L. "Ryuzaki? Any favorites?"

The detective continued to stare at his feet.

"Um… The strawberry ones… The chocolate filled ones… And, um…" Light spotted a single cupcake with a heart candy sticking out from the white-frosted top. "That heart one."

When the cashier added up the total, received the desired amount of money, and gave the plastic bag to Light, Light reached in and took out the heart cupcake he had purchased.

"Here, Ryuzaki." He smiled brilliantly.

L took the cupcake with a shaky hand and blushed slightly.

"Th-Thank you… Light-kun…" He muttered.

"No problem."

When they had exited the candy store, Light froze when he felt L's soft lips gently touch his cheek.

"For you, Light-kun." He whispered.

Light felt L's spidery fingertips gently open his right hand and place something in his open palm.

Light looked.

It was a candy stick with the pink heart at the end of it. L had plucked it from his cupcake.

"B-But, L…" Light blushed and stammered. "I-I don't like sweets…" He held his hand out for the detective to take it back, but he didn't.

"Uh…" Light swallowed the lump in his suddenly dry throat. "Thank you…"

Light didn't know this as he placed the heart into his mouth, but on the back were the words _I love you dearly _etched into the hard candy.

L knew.

L always knew.


	9. See

This is a bit of a filler with a little OOCness.

:o

Lyrics by **Acceptance**; "So Contagious"

* * *

**I Want You to Believe in Me**

_Kir Sirin_

Light gave a sigh and fisted a hand in his brown hair. His auburn eyes slowly closed as he felt his heart beat faster.

_Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected  
And I can tell I've been moving in so slow  
Don't let it throw you off too far  
Cause I'll be running right behind you_

How could this have happened? He never falls for anyone. Why this person? Why this feeling?

Why _now_?

His eyes slid over to look at L secretly.

The detective was gazing hungrily at another cupcake he had taken out of the box.

Light watched jealously as L's eyes fell closed in sugary bliss as the cupcake melted in his mouth.

Why couldn't the detective look at **him** that way?

_Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)  
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this  
You're the only one I would take a shot on  
Keep me hanging on so contagiously_

Light found that L's taste had an addicting side-effect.

He found himself needing it.

He found himself dreaming about it.

That sugary sweetness underlined with fresh strawberries was the only taste Light knew would curve his cravings.

He watched as L licked his fingers slowly and savored each taste.

"Light-kun," L stated simply, "you should be doing your work and not staring at me."

Light stiffened.

_Oohhh, when I'm around you I'm predictable  
Cause I believe in loving you at first sight  
I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to...  
To take a hold of you_

Light looked back at his computer, but his eyes trailed down to his hands, resting lightly on the keyboard.

Hands he wished L would hold.

"L…" Light said softly. "Can I ask something of you?"

_Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)  
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this  
You're the only one I would take a shot on  
Keep me hanging on so contagiously_

"Of course, Light-kun." L managed to sound giddy. He didn't even notice that the brunette had called him 'L'.

Light deducted it must be because he had sugar in his empty system.

That thought made him depressed.

_L would never sound that happy if it was just me…_

"Is there nothing in this world that could make you happy except sweets?" Light muttered.

L looked to the teen curiously.

_Oh you're everything I'm wanting  
Come to think of it, I'm aching  
On account of my transgression..  
Will you welcome this confession?_

"What do you mean?" L asked. His tone had turned serious once again.

Light couldn't bear to look into the detective's suspicious eyes, so he kept them locked on his numb hands.

"What if… All the sweets were gone… Would nothing else make you as happy?"

"Light-kun…"

"Could nothing else… Even if someone tried desperately to make you happy… Could nothing else come close?"

Light shut his eyes as he heard L sigh.

Was this his rejection?

_Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)  
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this  
You're the only one I would take a shot on  
Keep me hanging on so contagiously_

Light gave a light spasm when he felt L's hand on his shoulder.

Brown eyes locked with black as Light looked up.

"Are you asking if **you** make me happy?"

"I… Yes…" Light whispered. He could feel his cheeks burn with hot shame.

Was he always this pathetic?

_Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)  
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this  
You're the only one I would take a shot on  
Keep me hanging on_

"Light-kun is my first friend." L caressed Light's warm cheek. "Light-kun is the first person I have ever kissed… Of course you make me happy."

"L…"

L leaned into Light's face and whispered against his inviting lips, "But Kira needs to play a new game. I have already figured this one out."

Light watched as L got back on his computer chair and continued to work.

_Kira…_

_So contagiously_


	10. I

**I Want You to Believe in Me**

_Kir Sirin_

Light closed his eyes and tried his hardest not to let L know he had woken up.

He just needed a few more minutes.

"Light-kun," L pushed himself off the bed, "I know you are awake. You are the one who wished to stay in this room, so you must get up when I say."

Light opened his eyes and saw the crouched back of the detective he found himself dreaming about the previous night.

"L, wait…" Light took a hold of L's wrist and brought him back down to the bed.

L fell on his back and Light placed a hand on the other side of his shoulder, causing Light to loom over the detective.

"L…" Light whispered. "Can I kiss you?"

"I don't know why you would want to." L said bitterly. "There would be no real feeling behind it."

"Yes there would… I love you—"

"Don't start."

Light was taken aback by the anger in L's eyes. "L…"

"Stop saying—"

"Then let me kiss you."

L remained silent for a while and then sighed, "If you must."

Light smiled and placed his lips over L's. The detective fought to keep his eyes open, but they slowly fell close. He ran his hands through Light's hair and arched into the kiss.

The addicting taste of L finally fell back into Light's eager mouth.

Light pressed harder and heard L give a small whimper.

Which is why Light was so surprised when he was shoved off again and fell to the floor, "What..." He breathed. His palms were placed firmly behind him to support the teen's weight.

"That is quite enough." L stepped off the bed and walked outside the room.

Light followed behind him.

L went to his computer and Light went to the kitchen.

Neither of them knew how much more they could take.

_Kira would have stopped this act already…_

_L will never return my feelings…_

_Could it be that these truly are Light-kun's feelings?_

_Maybe I'm just not good enough._

_If these are his feelings… His heart must be breaking…_

_L probably wouldn't love someone he suspects to be Kira anyway._

Light came back from the kitchen and stood behind the thinking detective. "L, I have something for you." Light kept the smile in his voice, regardless of his shattered heart.

"I do not want it."

"But—"

"Maybe you should leave." L didn't turn to look at Light as he spoke. His fingers just worked vigorously at the keyboard underneath them. "I thought I felt something for you Light-kun, but it seems I was mistaken."

"L…"

"You should leave. Please refrain from using my professional name from now on."

Light reached over L's shoulder to drop a box of fresh, red strawberries beside his mouse that he had told his father to buy the night before. He brought his lips close to L's ear and whispered, "I thought you were never wrong, L." And with that he left the room.

He had had enough.

Light left the building.

Left L's life without telling him… Without L ever knowing how much Light Yagami had truly fallen in-love with him.

And L clutched the side of his jeans so hard he could feel his bare nails digging into the pale flesh beneath.

_Kira is not capable of love._


	11. Love

My favorite chapter in this entire story by far. I hope you like it as well. I love how it's titled 'love' as well.

And, to those people that think L was the one to break first, do you really believe he would be so weak?  
Heh. L will _never_ go to Light. He is way too stubborn and has so many walls around his heart that he's even locked himself out.

Hey... That sounds like a good story right there. Haha.

What kind of writer is inspired by her own writings?

* * *

**I Want You to Believe in Me**

_Kir Sirin_

A few days had passed and Light couldn't stand it any longer.

He dreamed of L every night.

He tasted L in everything he ate.

He saw L everywhere he went.

Light found himself at his breaking point. He needed to see the detective. He needed to tell him how much he cared for him. He wanted L to finally _give in_ and tell Light how much he wanted him as well.

"Kukuku." Ryuk snickered. "You finally see it, Light? Kukuku!"

Light glared at the shinigami.

As much as he wanted to blame him, Light knew it wasn't his fault. It was his. This silly game had come at a price.

A price Light was **not** willing to pay.

So the brunette ran back to Headquarters, burst through the doors, demanded to know where L was, and ran into the detective's room; ready for anything.

He saw L hunched over his laptop, sitting on his bed, and, when he looked at Light, Light lost all of the self-control he had ever had.

He tossed L's laptop on the floor, grabbed his arm, and made him stand up and face him. "What will it take for you to believe me?!" He screamed into L's face.

"Tell me you are Kira." L said simply. His black orbs were staring sternly into Light's.

"But what if I'm not?"

"Then you will never convince me."

"Ryuzaki… I…" Light sighed. He pushed L against the nearby wall softly and caressed his cold cheek. "If I give you what you want most… Then will you give me your trust?"

"Why would you want that, Light-kun?"

"Because it is the thing _I_ want most, Ryuzaki… **L**."

"Why must you torment yourself so?" L whispered as Light took his hand and placed it firmly against his warm cheek. "Cant you see I do not want you?"

Light closed his eyes and L drank in the sight. "I can see, Ryuzaki." Light sighed. "I know you think of this as only a twisted game. You could never want someone like me. You're too brilliant. But…" Light pressed his cheek harder into L's palm and he let his hand travel down L's wrist and held him there. "But this is all I want right now… Your touch… Your trust… Your love… And it doesn't matter if you don't want to give it to me. I understand."

L's heart _ached_ and his lips burned to feel them over Light's. He truly believed that? He truly thought that L wanted nothing to do with him?

"Light-kun… I—"

"L, please." L could feel his stomach twist at the sound of his professional name slip from Light's mouth one more time.

Light took a sharp breath inward. "Don't reject me just yet."

As L titled his head and gazed at Light's serene face he thought, _I could never reject you. You would be the one to break my heart in your dexterous hands. Light-kun, you… Are not lying._

Against his better judgment, L leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the teen before him.

Light's brown eyes opened slowly and L gazed into them. They held a fear deep within them that was unlike anything L had ever categorized as 'Light'.

"Light-kun…" L whispered.

Light's eyebrows pinched forward in worry.

Was he _that_ scared of L's rejection?

Fear was not a quality Kira could hold.

"Ryu—" Light hissed under his shortening breath, but was silenced by L's lips capturing Light's. He ran his hands past Light's face and into his hair. One latched onto the back of his neck and drew him desperately closer.

Light wrapped his arms across L's back and pressed harder against him as their breaths intertwined with the others.

_Kira can not love._

_Kira can not love._

_Kira can not love._

"L…" Light whispered.

L knew what was coming.

_Kira can not love._

_Kira can not love._

"I'm Kira."

L could feel his heart **shatter**.


	12. You?

Wow…

**The last chapter.**

It's been a _very _emotional ride. I couldnt even wait till morning to update this! Thanks so much for all of your reviews and favorites and things of the like. I appreciate it.

Yes, you will hate me. Haha.

* * *

**I Want You to Believe in Me**

_Kir Sirin_

_Kira can not love…_

"You're… Kira?" L whispered against the kiss.

Light leaned forward, "Yes. L, do you trust me now?"

L shut his eyes tightly and hissed, "Take it back."

"What?"

"I said take it back... Y-You can't be Kira… You are only giving me what I want! Light-kun cannot be Kira!" L melted into Light's strong arms and whispered against his chest. "Because I love Light-kun."

Light felt his heart fly into his throat. He held L tighter and whispered, "Say it again."

"I love you, Light-kun… You cannot be Kira."

"L…" Light pulled L away and held him at an arm's length. "I **am** Kira."

The detective shook his head. "Why would you tell me such a thing?"

Light smiled and touched L's cheek. "Because I'm in-love with you."

L felt the tears stream down his cheeks but he couldn't stop them. "Y-You've killed… Thousands of criminals… And yet… Whenever I'm with you I feel… Warm." L continued to shake his head and whispered hoarsely, "You cannot be Kira!"

"I'm sorry, L." Light's eyes looked downcast.

"My name is Lawliet." L whispered. "It is not 'L'."

How the detective _yearned_ for Light to whisper his real name through those perfect lips.

Light looked back up. "What…? Why would you tell me that? I'm Kira!"

"I…" L pressed his lips against Light's for an explanation. "I cannot believe that…"

But inside his heart, L knew Light was telling the truth. That's why this made things so hard.

That's why L could feel his heart break at the thought of his next action.

"Light-kun…" L whispered. "You are under arrest."

Light pressed his lips harder against L's. "I know, Lawliet."

L gasped sharply. _Say it again. _His heart demanded. L shut his eyes as tears came harshly down. He couldn't do it. He couldn't take Light in.

Not when Light said his name like that.

It felt so wonderful.

"Light-kun is Kira…"

"Yes."

"Light-kun is a bad person…"

"Only if you believe that."

"Light-kun should be in jail…"

"Only if you want me to be."

But did he?

Did L want Light to be in prison?

Could he stand the sound of handcuffs chafing his perfect wrists?

"Lawliet…" Light finally broke the kiss and stared into L's tearing eyes.

The sight broke his heart.

Light wiped L's tears away, "You are Justice… If you must… Then you must. I'll always love you. Nothing will ever change that. Please, don't be sad… I-It… It makes me sad." Light swallowed the hard lump in his throat.

"I… Cant…" L whispered. He fingered Light's soft, brown hair in his hands as more tears fell down. "Kira… You have defeated me."

"Lawliet," Light smiled and kissed L's forehead, "I could never defeat you."

"B-But… I-I can't… You are Light… You are—"

"I am _yours_, Lawliet."

"You are mine…" L repeated softly as he leaned in for another heartbreaking kiss. "You are mine… You are My Light… Without you… There would be darkness… You are…"

L didn't finish his sentence as he pressed his lips desperately into Light's. The kiss felt wet with L's own tears gliding down into his mouth. He felt Light carefully lick them away and L clutched onto his button-down shirt. He drove his bare nails deeper through the fabric, desperate for any kind of anchor for his screaming mind.

"Light-kun is mine." The detective whispered.

_Kir Sirin_


End file.
